February 15, 2016
A Journal Entry from almost a year ago…
“Another week goes by and I haven’t moved forward with [a personal discipleship project.] I haven’t written anything. I’ve struggled to find time for God.
“I have no anchors. There are no consistent rhythms. Everything is always subject to change and it does more often than it doesn’t.
“It’s as if there’s a piece of paper with the answers on it, with the formula for peace in my soul, but it’s just out of reach. As if the wind is picking it up and carrying it, pulling it away from me. Not distantly, though, for then I would certainly surrender, sit myself down and watch it drift away and get lost in the horizon. No, it is not distant. It is there, just there, just beyond my fingertips. But the wind is unpredictable, perhaps even a taunting force and as I grasp for it, the paper jumps and dances, slipping away. Again and again, again and again, just when I think I have it… it’s gone.
“Shall I give up? Shall I wait for the wind itself to cease? Or is this the life of a disciple? Always desperate? Always chasing? Always unsettled?
Lord, speak peace to me.”
My prayer today has not changed. Lord, speak peace to me.